Shadowland Project
This recording project has been thirty years in the making. After several deeply meaningful gifts of encouragement and provision, I stepped into this writing and recording process--what has now become a slow and deliberate journey of obedience to the Lord. I believe God has had this time and season in mind all along, now that it is no longer an easy task and is born out of years of walking with him through the hills and valleys--much of it in the Shadowland, as I have come to call it. I believe God always brings beauty and healing in and around every part of our life and journey if we surrender it to Him, and for me it has resulted in an outpouring of worship through songs I have written along the way and songs that have been deeply meaningful to me personally. I am looking forward to sharing the music and ministry that has come out of this season, for this time and as a testimony of God's faithful presence.
The first two original songs, Shadowland and By Heart, are followed by the cover singles, Though You Slay Me and Build My Life/'Tis so Sweet. All are part of a larger project that will be released over the coming months. I hope, as you listen, you will be encouraged to look for God's faithful presence in Your own life. There is no one like Him.
The first two original songs, Shadowland and By Heart, are followed by the cover singles, Though You Slay Me and Build My Life/'Tis so Sweet. All are part of a larger project that will be released over the coming months. I hope, as you listen, you will be encouraged to look for God's faithful presence in Your own life. There is no one like Him.
Though You Slay Me
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"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him." Job 13:15
"But I trust in You, Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hands. Psalm 31:14-15 |
On a cold February evening in 1994 I was lying in an ICU hospital bed, my husband beside me begging God to spare my life. I had survived a pulmonary embolism, but the larger clot was still in my leg and I was in extreme danger of another clot breaking loose. I couldn't take the usual blood thinning medication since it had only been a week since my brain surgery. My doctor told Boomer I may not make it and that he should call family. The questions we had were unspoken. Why would God see us through the three years of debilitating depression and illness only to take my life, now that the end of the suffering was in sight? Why now, when we had so much hope for the future and so much to share about God's faithfulness in the hardest of times? I was tired and weak. His energy and emotions were spent. All we knew to do was worship. Boomer slept in a chair next to my bed and I remember Him singing Steven Curtis Chapman's song "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on." The words of the song "I Will Be Free" by Cindy Morgan wouldn't leave me during that week in the hospital, waiting for what would come. We chose to worship and to lift up His name from the valley we were in. There were a lot of tears and even more prayers.
God healed me.
That is not the end of every story, I know. Some don't live to see the physical healing. But as I look back at the seasons of my life, I've clearly seen God's plans and purposes evolve--the things we can rarely see in the moment of suffering. Every moment of desperation, every grief, every tear, every baffling circumstance, every agonizing moment has led to a deeper trust and hope in God. A lot of it still makes no sense to me. But because He is faithful and His promises are the only truth I can stand on, I believe Him when He says He loves me. I believe Him when He says He will never leave me or forsake me. I know that I will spend eternity in His presence. Do I love the pain and the struggle? Certainly not. But I love Jesus and know He is walking with me through it all and holding every moment of my life, whatever comes. I now have many stories of His faithfulness to share, born out of suffering and grief. That is how we find Him to be faithful. And more than anything I want my life to point to Him and His faithfulness, whether in life or in death.
Though He slay me, yet I will praise Him.
God healed me.
That is not the end of every story, I know. Some don't live to see the physical healing. But as I look back at the seasons of my life, I've clearly seen God's plans and purposes evolve--the things we can rarely see in the moment of suffering. Every moment of desperation, every grief, every tear, every baffling circumstance, every agonizing moment has led to a deeper trust and hope in God. A lot of it still makes no sense to me. But because He is faithful and His promises are the only truth I can stand on, I believe Him when He says He loves me. I believe Him when He says He will never leave me or forsake me. I know that I will spend eternity in His presence. Do I love the pain and the struggle? Certainly not. But I love Jesus and know He is walking with me through it all and holding every moment of my life, whatever comes. I now have many stories of His faithfulness to share, born out of suffering and grief. That is how we find Him to be faithful. And more than anything I want my life to point to Him and His faithfulness, whether in life or in death.
Though He slay me, yet I will praise Him.
By Heart
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"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
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It’s often when you lose a parent or someone close to you that you think about the deeper meaning--the memories (good and bad) and how their life came to shape yours in so many ways. A year or two after my dad died, I found myself in that introspective place and woke up in the middle of the night with memories pouring into my head and heart. Much of it was hard and full of grief beyond the physical loss of my dad. It was grief over years of relationship stolen away, sorrow over the way it shadowed all of my mother’s life and the way it changed the complexion of my life as well as that of my sister. It was all so vivid I had to get up at that moment and put it down on paper. The words became a song soon after and is a reflection of some of the hard things from my growing-up years.
But while this could be a really sad story, I know the ending. It’s colored with sadness for all the years lost, but still full of forgiveness that brings freedom and gratitude—that of my mom and my sister and I, but most of all the forgiveness and grace of God who promises to work everything together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He makes all things new. He gives hope in the darkest night. That’s the best and most important part of this story.
But while this could be a really sad story, I know the ending. It’s colored with sadness for all the years lost, but still full of forgiveness that brings freedom and gratitude—that of my mom and my sister and I, but most of all the forgiveness and grace of God who promises to work everything together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He makes all things new. He gives hope in the darkest night. That’s the best and most important part of this story.
Shadowland
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"I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You."
Psalm 139:11-12 |
Life has a way of moving in directions you never intended, taking you to places you could never have imagined from a younger and often more naive perspective. When I was a little girl I had mapped out in my mind what my life would look like. The perfect family, how I would meet the man of my dreams in college and marry him at 23, have two kids by the time I was 27, have a nice house and comfortable existence in a place where I would settle down and stay for the rest of my life, growing old with my husband, children, grandchildren and good, lifelong friends nearby.
Not surprisingly, and as is the case with most of us, things haven't worked out the way I hoped and dreamed. As a young girl I watched my father descend into the depths of alcoholism until he left us when I was 12. I saw my mother struggle to hold her heart and our family together. By the time I was 25, after years in search of feeling wanted, I had been through a series of my own dating relationships and painful break-ups that left me feeling somehow "less than." While I finally met the man of my dreams at 26 and was married at 27, I spent the first three years of our marriage in a state of suicidal depression and illness due to an undiagnosed brain tumor. Inspite of the odds we were given, we had our son a few years later, but could not have the other children I longed for. I moved ten times in fifteen years, between three states and six cities. I have walked with my husband through debilitating injury and the seasons of resulting chronic pain. I have experienced financial security as well as the stress than comes from long periods of knowing there wasn't near enough to make the ends meet. I have experienced the painful ripping apart of the marriages of dear friends and family. I have known the sharp grief of needlessly severed friendships. I have cried an ocean of tears.
I have made poor, selfish and sinful choices. And I have suffered the consequences in some very painful ways.
Much of my life has been spent in what my sister refers to as the "shadowland" -- a place of overwhelming, pressing darkness. The type of darkness that goes far beyond my general melancholy nature. (She says I am a poster-child for melancholy). Melancholy submitted to the Lord is a beautiful thing, but left to its own can lead to deep and desolate darkness. I have spent much time there, sometimes as a result of my own choices and sometimes because of circumstances beyond my control.
Those have been the times, however, that I have grown the most. The times that I have gained the type of wisdom and maturity that can only come from long periods of pain and loss and questioning. Innocence lost and found. The times that God has gotten my attention and has caused me to turn toward Him as I have looked up and to the truth of His word. To repent. The times that He has come to my rescue, "around the bend, through the mist." If it weren't for the place of my deep need and darkness, I would never be in a place to discover again that Jesus is present in the shadowland, too.
It's the digging of a deeper well, full of all He is and all He offers by His grace, being poured into my soul--a deeper hope and trust in a steadfast and faithful God who has loved me and healed me, physically and emotionally. There really is hope in the midst of darkness because of the deep, profound and unchanging truth that hope is found in Jesus Christ and a life surrendered to Him.
For me, the rescue in the darkness is where my life truly began.
Not surprisingly, and as is the case with most of us, things haven't worked out the way I hoped and dreamed. As a young girl I watched my father descend into the depths of alcoholism until he left us when I was 12. I saw my mother struggle to hold her heart and our family together. By the time I was 25, after years in search of feeling wanted, I had been through a series of my own dating relationships and painful break-ups that left me feeling somehow "less than." While I finally met the man of my dreams at 26 and was married at 27, I spent the first three years of our marriage in a state of suicidal depression and illness due to an undiagnosed brain tumor. Inspite of the odds we were given, we had our son a few years later, but could not have the other children I longed for. I moved ten times in fifteen years, between three states and six cities. I have walked with my husband through debilitating injury and the seasons of resulting chronic pain. I have experienced financial security as well as the stress than comes from long periods of knowing there wasn't near enough to make the ends meet. I have experienced the painful ripping apart of the marriages of dear friends and family. I have known the sharp grief of needlessly severed friendships. I have cried an ocean of tears.
I have made poor, selfish and sinful choices. And I have suffered the consequences in some very painful ways.
Much of my life has been spent in what my sister refers to as the "shadowland" -- a place of overwhelming, pressing darkness. The type of darkness that goes far beyond my general melancholy nature. (She says I am a poster-child for melancholy). Melancholy submitted to the Lord is a beautiful thing, but left to its own can lead to deep and desolate darkness. I have spent much time there, sometimes as a result of my own choices and sometimes because of circumstances beyond my control.
Those have been the times, however, that I have grown the most. The times that I have gained the type of wisdom and maturity that can only come from long periods of pain and loss and questioning. Innocence lost and found. The times that God has gotten my attention and has caused me to turn toward Him as I have looked up and to the truth of His word. To repent. The times that He has come to my rescue, "around the bend, through the mist." If it weren't for the place of my deep need and darkness, I would never be in a place to discover again that Jesus is present in the shadowland, too.
It's the digging of a deeper well, full of all He is and all He offers by His grace, being poured into my soul--a deeper hope and trust in a steadfast and faithful God who has loved me and healed me, physically and emotionally. There really is hope in the midst of darkness because of the deep, profound and unchanging truth that hope is found in Jesus Christ and a life surrendered to Him.
For me, the rescue in the darkness is where my life truly began.
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Producer Aaron DoerrAt the beginning of this recording journey, knowing the significance of the help I would need, Pastor/Producer/Arranger Aaron Doerr was the person I wanted to partner with in the making of these songs. He is the Worship Arts Pastor at Rolling Hills Community Church and has been a good friend for many years. He has listened, arranged, produced, recorded, mixed, mastered and listened some more. Countless hours and sacrifice. His musical brilliance, creativity and kind heart have brought beauty and life to the music I have written and that God has laid on my heart as part of this project. A million thanks would not be enough.
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Contributors
Shadowland
Music and Lyrics by Lisa Reiff
Vocals: Lisa Reiff
Orchestration and All Instrumentation by Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Patricia Sullivan at Bernie Grundman Mastering, Hollywood CA
By Heart
Music and Lyrics by Lisa Reiff
Vocals: Lisa Reiff
Petal Steel Guitar: Paul Brainard
Upright Bass: Ted Swenson
All Other Instrumentation: Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged, Engineered and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Kimberly Rosen at Knack Mastering in Ringwood, NJ
Though You Slay Me
Music and Lyrics by Shane Barnard | Beth Barnard | Lauren Chandler | Brian Woods | Josh Moore
Lead Vocal: Lisa Reiff
Additional Background Vocals: Lisa Reiff and Aaron Doerr
Drums: Daniel Hailey III
Bass Guitar: Chris Chong
Drum Tech: John Harrel
Drums and Bass Recording Engineer: Dean Baskerville
All Other Instrumentation: Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged, Engineered and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Warren Sokol at United Mastering in Hollywood, CA
Music and Lyrics by Lisa Reiff
Vocals: Lisa Reiff
Orchestration and All Instrumentation by Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Patricia Sullivan at Bernie Grundman Mastering, Hollywood CA
By Heart
Music and Lyrics by Lisa Reiff
Vocals: Lisa Reiff
Petal Steel Guitar: Paul Brainard
Upright Bass: Ted Swenson
All Other Instrumentation: Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged, Engineered and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Kimberly Rosen at Knack Mastering in Ringwood, NJ
Though You Slay Me
Music and Lyrics by Shane Barnard | Beth Barnard | Lauren Chandler | Brian Woods | Josh Moore
Lead Vocal: Lisa Reiff
Additional Background Vocals: Lisa Reiff and Aaron Doerr
Drums: Daniel Hailey III
Bass Guitar: Chris Chong
Drum Tech: John Harrel
Drums and Bass Recording Engineer: Dean Baskerville
All Other Instrumentation: Aaron Doerr
Produced, Arranged, Engineered and Mixed by Aaron Doerr
Recorded at The Green Room in Tualatin, OR
Mastered by Warren Sokol at United Mastering in Hollywood, CA